the climb to the top is always the most difficult

when we can see that we are almost there

because we have had a difficult climb we consider turning

back…

or not going that short distance more        because we are very

tired…

tired because we have given up a lot of our defenses

that are no longer useful…

tired because we have resisted letting go        and

we have learned what it means to really love ourselves…

that is unfamiliar to us

tired         because in discovering what the truth is for us

we grieve giving others back the responsibility to grow         or

not…

not knowing        even in our fear        that we will learn to

survive…

even without the approval of others

you have come a long way on your journey of healing

allow yourself your feelings        allow yourself your uniqueness

and in so doing you will allow that  for others…

without guilt        or shame

you are special as you are        and as you are continuing to

become

you will reach the top of the mountain        and you will shine                   

copyright bev kelly

it is late and i am tired

and

my defenses are down

my words are jumbled and strange

they are welled up inside

like tears

like wine that is overflowing

like love that is waiting to be expressed

like a child with excitement for a birthday

or

christmas

or

dad

thoughts         dreams        tears          fears

expectations                 anxieties

songs yet to be sung

spring free                come forth

like a picture being born

in the darkroom

of

life

copyright bev kelly

i stopped my mind thoughts while they were still there

and

shared wine         and food          and other thoughts

with herb

talked a long word picture with margo and shawn

and

listened to music

and

all the time

i continued to see the many faces

within the worldly microcosm

that i am also a part of

that somebody else is probably looking at

that i was looking at through the little black box

with the phallic lens

and

i am still overwhelmed

and

wondering why

we are all here to wonder

copyright bev kelly

what do you do after the tears

feelings that  i thought were old

surface         and become new again

love that i thought was looked at

as a beautiful experience

is still not reconciled…

possibly it never will be

maybe it’s just a reminder of what i am not feeling in my life

and

not the actuality…

so many buttons are being pushed now

and

the strength that always carries me through

has not shown itself to me…

maybe the strength is a place to hide

i am too tired to hide now…

i just want to look at all the stuff

right in the face this time

it would be nice to say what i  feel about someone

and have them understand…

it would make it easier that way

it doesn’t matter that they agree

or

want to walk my path…

sometimes it is for sanity’s sake

that we let go             

copyright bev kelly